Reactions I got as a Mom, when changing jobs
I seriously contemplated looking for a new job for the past two-three years. It was hard to justify moving away from the comfortable life we had built in upstate New York. As my son moved ahead in our town elementary school, we were making friends in the neighborhood and becoming regulars in extra curricular activities. We were putting down roots. After more than fifteen years of being in the United States, I was feeling at home. Giving up this emotional comfort would only be worth it for a very special role, a definite advancement in my career. I was half hearted in my job searches for the past couple of years though I had outgrown my current role.
Lateral growth with the same company can only afford so much for me. Right at the beginning of what became a pandemic I was itching for a change. But the huge upheaval in the world made me stay put. I was grateful to work from home and not have my days filled with work deliverables and an unending list of action items. I spent one on one time with kids, hosted backyard gatherings and exceeded my reading goal. But this didn’t satisfy my need for career growth. If the pandemic signaled the end of the world, I craved a change where I could feel growth and job satisfaction before I perished. This is what made me reach on LinkedIn to a job posting that excited me just from its description.
I started the interview process which went on for about three months. The fact that I had to relocate to Belgium was the biggest factor for consideration. Yet this was not immediate issue, considering the remote work option. In early 2021, I made the decision and gave notice to my then employer. The reaction from my management chain was startling and cringeworthy. With some cursory questions about dissatisfaction with my current role, my manager asked if my husband was aligned with my plan. As my husband is also employed by my previous company and we are in a niche industry, the questions were not completely off base. But the speed at how the discussion moved to my husband and the my children astounded me. “So you will disrupt your family’s schedule?” Then he tried to convince me to re-consider saying “It is hard to get used to a new work place, maybe better to try fixing what was wrong with the current job is better in the long run” Better for who? I wondered. They didn’t offer me more money or a meaty role but instead resorted to fear mongering about my ability to “have it all”. This clearly opened my eyes as to how I’m seen as a part of a family unit vs my individual self. Conscious or unconscious bias was at work overtime to second guess, doubt and undermine my decision. But this was the tip of the iceberg.
My husband and I shared the news with our children together. As they had been to Europe multiple times pre-pandemic , it was familiar territory. They certainly had the typical reservations about leaving their home and friends behind. But what really surprised me was how they reacted to my new much busier schedule. “Will you have time to do this or that with us” They really drilled me on why I chose to change their routine for my career satisfaction. “Is your current job really bad?, Could you do it for a few more years?” They pestered. Though I have always worked except for maternity leave, I had unintentionally deprioritized my career compared to my husband’s in my children’s eyes. My first role as Mom didn’t encompass my work identity.
It was my friends (mostly female) and my mother, the proverbial sewing circle if I were someone who attended such a group, who encouraged me. They acknowledged that the change would be tough. I would need to be well planned and enlist support to accommodate my new schedule. But they believed in me and wanted to see me succeed. As I were on the cusp of turning 40, my mother said “If not now then when? You don’t want to be 50 and think about this path not taken” That was all I needed to make the decision.
